Clever Like Me

GED to PHD?

Saying Goodbye to Summer

Summer semester is over. It feels so bittersweet and so strange that I’m never going to see most of those people ever again. Grades wont be posted for another week but the only class I’m worried about is sociology. My final didn’t go as well as I wanted so I’m no longer hoping for an A, a B will have to do. I really can’t believe summer semester went by so quickly.

The last day of class my psychology class my teacher had a discussion about love which was only slightly awkward with Lincoln in the class. We had another night together and the sex was wonderful but his continual need to tell me not to fall in love with him was disheartening. He likes me but he doesn’t want me to fall for him. Then in class he says “I think being loved is a basic human need”. I’m pretty sure my mouth fell open. You like me but you don’t want my basic human needs met? Confused doesn’t even begin to explained how this class discussion on love really left me feeling. It turns out I am a lot more cynical than I realized.

I used to truly believe that love was real and important and life changing, now if I’m being honest I truly believe men don’t love the way women do. So imagine my surprise as men from all ages, including the man telling me not to fall in love with him like its something crazy people do, are talking about how real love is. I’m from the love is bullshit school of thought. I literally cheered, without thinking, when someone said that love is bullshit out loud. When did I become that girl? When did I lose that amazing ability to even believe that something as wonderful as love could exist? How do I start believing again?

The class discussion on love really was the perfect way to end the class and the semester. It made me see that summer really is over. It was somehow easier to sleep with a douche who doesn’t want a relationship than to sleep with someone who believes in love but doesn’t want it with me. I can’t wait for fall semester to start even though I will miss everyone I met this summer.

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