Clever Like Me

GED to PHD?

Confrontational Conversations

Well just over a week into fall semester and I can officially for the first time in my college career I have a teacher who hates me. Three classes into the semester and I have been asked not to participate in class discussions in my English class. This whole big fish in a small pond thing seems to be backfiring. The worst part is normally I am a very quite student but after my success last semester I have fallen into my own self fulfilling prophecy where I believe I’m smart so there for I am. This seems to be working out well in all of my classes except English.

So my last English class went like this: My teacher would read thought-provoking articles from our text-book and then would ask for opinions. The class would stare at her silently, after a little bit of silence I would supply an opinion. After 3 times of being the only person in the class with an option I started watching the clock waiting a full 2 minutes before answering any other questions or responding in any way. The questions weren’t controversial or offensive in any way mostly what do you think this means or why do you think the writer wrote about this. Well after about the sixth question I had answered she says in front of the whole class “There are a lot of students in this class that would like to have a chance to speak so how about you keep your opinions to yourself from now on” not “Does anyone else have an answer” not “Lets give someone else a chance to answer”. Well needless to say I was very embarrassed and didn’t say a word for the rest of the class which, incidentally, remained silent till the end of class. After class I asked my teacher if she meant just for this class or for the remainder of the semester she wanted me to keep my mouth shut. She informed me that she meant for the rest of the semester to which I replied “Do I still get graded on my attendance?” The answer of course being yes. So I have to go but am no longer allowed to participate, should be an amazing semester.

I had another first for me this year. I had some asshole call me out for taking the elevator instead of the stairs. First the elevators are for all students not just disabled students but I do qualify under the label as disabled with my asthma. This dick decided to ask me if I was just too lazy to take the stairs which I laughed of at first, then he went on to say “No seriously, what is with people and their inability to use their god damn legs!” To this I replied I have asthma which he didn’t believe so I showed him my inhaler. He then said “Well I don’t know how that works but I bet if you exercised more your asthma would get better and I bet taking the stairs would be good for you.” I literally couldn’t believe what he just said. Do people really understand how debilitating asthma is? I used to be a dancer and now I am lucky to make it up one flight of stairs without gasping for my inhaler. I wanted to take his crutches and beat him with them but I just stopped talking to him. There is not enough patience in the world to deal with that kind of ignorance.

The one bright spot in my week is my Criminal Justice class. It is by far my favorite and most interesting class this semester, not to mention it has all the cute boys. Cute boys aside though the whole class is smart and responsive with intelligent discussions. I don’t have to worry about answering too many questions or being to opinionated. It’s really the only class that I feel like I belong.

Well this semester is full of new challenges I never even imagined but I know everything that happens is teaching me lessons I need to know.

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Pushing Success

I finally got my midterm back and (drum roll please)…….. 92% woo!! That’s an A freaking minus!! Turns out that whole thing called studying really does work. I am pretty proud of myself.  Just one more test to go for Sociology and just the final left for Psychology and I am done with summer semester. It really feels bittersweet that I didn’t get to spend more time in these amazing classes but I am excited that I have been able to have such amazing success. I have never been more dedicated or passionate about my education and it really feels amazing to be doing something with my life.

The big question comes what about fall. I already have 3 classes taking up my Monday through Thursday but today I found I could fit one more class into my schedule Fridays. I want to get my associates degree done as fast as possible but will adding another 3 credit hours and an extra day of school be just too much? Cost wise with my Pell Grant covering almost 700 of tuition I could afford it. It wouldn’t be cheap but it could be done. With the Pell Grant though I would have to continue to pass all my classes or I would have to pay the grant back. The 3 classes I have are English, Communications, and History.  All 3 will have reports and tests and I could use Fridays just for homework or I could add criminal justice on Fridays and get another 3 credits done. 12 credits is almost double the amount of credits I normally take and I’m concerned that I can’t do it. Especially considering that Christmas gets crazy for my work and they could add-on mandatory overtime. Then I wonder if I am just hearing my mom in my head saying “Don’t get overwhelmed” telling me I can’t do that much school and still do well.  Maybe I need to push myself to keep the momentum going, to stay motivated, to catch up to my peers.

If there are an other students out there who work and go to school full-time with any advice I would appreciate it!!

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Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

I finally got my first 2 tests back from my psychology teacher and I am happy to report I am a genius. That might be an overstatement but I did receive over 100% on both so I feel pretty darn good about myself. I really feel like I made the right choice picking psychology as my major. I have never been so happy with life. It feels like once I found my passion everything else has been falling into place. I’ve lost weight, I’m happier, and I love myself more. I’ve made some really great friends in class too. Brandi is never someone I would have thought I would be friends with but she is quickly becoming my favorite person. I love her spirit and she actually cares about all my shit. Its been a long time that I’ve had a true friend and I’m so glad she sat next to me in class.

Now I know you are all wondering about Lincoln. He’s not price charming but I’m not really looking for happily ever after so maybe that’s okay. He might be an alcoholic. The 2nd and most recent time I was with him he drank so much he couldn’t even get laid. He literally passed out while groping my boob. Like I said not exactly prince charming but the smile on his face while he was half asleep, hand resting on my chest, was pretty darn cute. With all the weight I’ve lost though it seems more and more cute guys are finally noticing how “smart” I am, so why would I settle for less than price charming?

My Sociology teacher finally gave us the date for our midterm, July 18th. She also informed us that our grade will be fully dependent on our midterm and our final. The midterm will be on chapters 1-7 and there will be essay questions. I feel overwhelmed. I need to do well so I will be fully reading chapters 1-7 as well as making flash cards of terms, theories, and sociologists. I feel like I’m going overboard but if I get to the test and know nothing I will feel like a failure. Like a poser. Like a confirmation that I don’t really belong there, that I’m just a high school drop out playing at a college student. I am hoping that my success is psychology means I really have changed and that I really do belong where it feels like I belong. In spite of myself I am really hoping Lincoln calls too.

Boys and school. Guess I really am a college student.

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Brand New Day

I never graduated high school. Most of the time I was off smoking weed with my “friends” or skipping class just to skip class. I never thought that maybe school was important. I had my life planned out at 18 and I was too young to know that dreams don’t always come true or that maybe the dreams you dream as a teenager aren’t really your dreams at all. Now at almost 24 (in July) I have found that I still have big dreams. I also find that I am older and wise enough to know that maybe some dreams are just too big and that the truth of the matter is that not everyone gets their happily ever after. The good news is I’m young enough to still want to try.

My dream is to get a Doctorate of Psychology, right now I want to be a forensic psychologist which I know is nothing like it is on TV. This seems impossible for me. I got my GED because my mom made me and I’ve been enrolled in community college but really haven’t taken school seriously at all. The good news is I currently have a 2.43 GPA and I do actually have some credits that I can use. After meeting with an adviser at my school I have a plan or at least a next step so I guess what I really have is a starting point.

STEP ONE: Graduate from community college with an Associate Degree with a 2.8 or better.

So in beginning this journey I have 2 classes scheduled for summer semester which starts June 10th. Psychology 1010 and Sociology. I also applied through FAFSA to see if I qualify for any grants. I work full-time to afford school and for the health insurance but I hope to still be able to do everything I can to become someone different. I am going to try to complete one step at a time and I invite all of you to come along. See for yourself if a high school drop out can become a doctor. See if you can change your past.

 

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