Clever Like Me

GED to PHD?

Casual Sex and Homework

on September 15, 2013

To organize my thoughts better I am breaking this weeks posts into two sections. One for school and one for my personal life.

School:

My first paper for English is due tomorrow and I am having a hard time writing it for a few reasons the first of which being the fact that my English teacher hates me. I feel like no matter how hard I try the best grade I could hope to get would be a B. I have had several people tell me that I should try to switch classes or talk to the dean but I feel like that’s just wrong. Am I going to complain every time a teacher doesn’t like me? Am I going to drop every class just because I don’t like the teacher? Isn’t this just a different kind of learning experience? I’m not giving myself an excuse. I am going to stick it out and I am going to kick ass. Save any conversations I have with the dean for real issues so I can be taken seriously as an adult.

All my other classes are wonderful. It may be the fact that I’ve started to love to learn or my classes may really just be amazing. I love going to school. My history teacher is funny and passionate about history which is amazing. I have learned more about American history in these 3 weeks than all of my previous history classes put together. My criminal justice class is fascinating and I love all the people. My communications class is interesting but we haven’t followed the syllabus at all. We were supposed to have our paper due last week but he still hasn’t given us any instruction on it. He keeps telling us he will get to it next class which is a bit frustrating. I just hope I have enough time to do well.

Personal:

I spent another night with Lincoln, this time at a hotel. It was almost perfect except for him telling me not to fall in love with him over and over. I get it, this has no future but its nice sometimes just to forget that for a night. I like spending time with him its easy and fun and I could love him but as soon as I think about having a boyfriend I instantly freak out for lack of a better term. I don’t want to share my space or my time or my life with someone right now. He talks about watching the fights together or going places together in the same breath he tells me not to love him. I have never been more confused on how a guy feels toward me or how I feel towards him. My brain and my heart say run but my libido says more.

Junior my ex from about 5 years ago has started messaging me again. He’s currently in the army in South Korea so there is not much there but I think about him all the time. Its like being 17 again waiting for him to text me. I never in a million years thought I would be talking to him again, I hadn’t even really thought about him in 5 years and then bam one message and its like I’m going to crazy.

Now that I actually know what I want out of life I don’t know what I want out of love. Is this college? Is this how it’s supposed to be? Casual sex and homework? Clarity and confusion all the time?

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3 responses to “Casual Sex and Homework

  1. College Kids says:

    Amazing! Always confused on what college is really about! Love. Love. Love.

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