Clever Like Me

GED to PHD?

Embracing Fall

Fall semester started one day before my grades for summer were finally posted. For the first time in my life, and I do mean ever, I received a 4.0! (insert applause here) I guess I didn’t really fail my sociology final like I was sure I did. Lincoln hasn’t spoken to me since the end of the semester so I guess you could say summer is really over. I think I should feel sad that Lincoln is out of my life but honestly he never was prince charming and he never wanted me in his. So with that is onward to fall semester.

This semester will not be easy instead of the 2 classes I took during the summer I have 4. I am taking English 1010, History (American Civilization), Communications (analysis of an argument), and Criminal Justice. I have already taken and passed English 2010 but I needed another English credit so I took the easy route. History I had taken and failed before so it is imperative that I pass with a high-grade not only to keep my financial aid but to fix my GPA. Communications should be interesting. The teacher seems a bit distracted so its my only class I don’t really know what to expect. Criminal Justice is already fascinating, I can not wait for the rest of the semester.

I am hoping to get another 4.0 but with working full-time and having 4 classes I’m not sure how feasible that is. To be fair though this whole blog is about achieving the impossible. The good news is there isn’t a single cute boy in any of my classes so I hopefully wont be as distracted as last semester. That might be an overstatement. There is one cute boy but he is only 19 and I don’t date boys that are fresh out of high school.

Well I have a lot of homework to do but as always I will be updating every Sunday, thanks for coming along this journey with me hopefully it will be interesting.

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Saying Goodbye to Summer

Summer semester is over. It feels so bittersweet and so strange that I’m never going to see most of those people ever again. Grades wont be posted for another week but the only class I’m worried about is sociology. My final didn’t go as well as I wanted so I’m no longer hoping for an A, a B will have to do. I really can’t believe summer semester went by so quickly.

The last day of class my psychology class my teacher had a discussion about love which was only slightly awkward with Lincoln in the class. We had another night together and the sex was wonderful but his continual need to tell me not to fall in love with him was disheartening. He likes me but he doesn’t want me to fall for him. Then in class he says “I think being loved is a basic human need”. I’m pretty sure my mouth fell open. You like me but you don’t want my basic human needs met? Confused doesn’t even begin to explained how this class discussion on love really left me feeling. It turns out I am a lot more cynical than I realized.

I used to truly believe that love was real and important and life changing, now if I’m being honest I truly believe men don’t love the way women do. So imagine my surprise as men from all ages, including the man telling me not to fall in love with him like its something crazy people do, are talking about how real love is. I’m from the love is bullshit school of thought. I literally cheered, without thinking, when someone said that love is bullshit out loud. When did I become that girl? When did I lose that amazing ability to even believe that something as wonderful as love could exist? How do I start believing again?

The class discussion on love really was the perfect way to end the class and the semester. It made me see that summer really is over. It was somehow easier to sleep with a douche who doesn’t want a relationship than to sleep with someone who believes in love but doesn’t want it with me. I can’t wait for fall semester to start even though I will miss everyone I met this summer.

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