Clever Like Me

GED to PHD?

Pushing Success

I finally got my midterm back and (drum roll please)…….. 92% woo!! That’s an A freaking minus!! Turns out that whole thing called studying really does work. I am pretty proud of myself.  Just one more test to go for Sociology and just the final left for Psychology and I am done with summer semester. It really feels bittersweet that I didn’t get to spend more time in these amazing classes but I am excited that I have been able to have such amazing success. I have never been more dedicated or passionate about my education and it really feels amazing to be doing something with my life.

The big question comes what about fall. I already have 3 classes taking up my Monday through Thursday but today I found I could fit one more class into my schedule Fridays. I want to get my associates degree done as fast as possible but will adding another 3 credit hours and an extra day of school be just too much? Cost wise with my Pell Grant covering almost 700 of tuition I could afford it. It wouldn’t be cheap but it could be done. With the Pell Grant though I would have to continue to pass all my classes or I would have to pay the grant back. The 3 classes I have are English, Communications, and History.  All 3 will have reports and tests and I could use Fridays just for homework or I could add criminal justice on Fridays and get another 3 credits done. 12 credits is almost double the amount of credits I normally take and I’m concerned that I can’t do it. Especially considering that Christmas gets crazy for my work and they could add-on mandatory overtime. Then I wonder if I am just hearing my mom in my head saying “Don’t get overwhelmed” telling me I can’t do that much school and still do well.  Maybe I need to push myself to keep the momentum going, to stay motivated, to catch up to my peers.

If there are an other students out there who work and go to school full-time with any advice I would appreciate it!!

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24 is the new 24?

After my midterm Thursday I feel like a superhero. It went well… I think. I wont get the test back till next class period soonest but I felt like I knew enough to hopefully get a B. Not only did I do great I finally realized Lincoln has no power over how much I love school. Test day came and he wasn’t even on my mind which was a huge relief. He wanted my awesome notes so he was sweet to me until the midterm since the test, however, nothing. Somehow being used for my mind rather than my body upsets me more than if he wanted to just get some ass.

I have been doing a lot of thinking about 24 and how this time turning 23 everything was so different. My “friends” at the time didn’t want anything to do with me for my birthday last year and I felt like my life was going nowhere. This year at least I know that I am doing something meaningful with my life. Turning 24 isn’t scary knowing I have a plan. Recently I watched  an amazing TED talk:

This talk really made me think about how I need to make every year count. That I can’t tune out now and expect that everything will fall into place later. I need to raise my standards for the men I date and the friends I plan to keep. I’ve been spending time with people who I know I have no intention in keeping in my life because what does it matter? I think to myself so what if she doesn’t have my back, it’s not like we are going to be friends in 2 years. This is the destructive attitude that has led me to fair-weather friends and sleeping with inappropriate  men, and that is the attitude I will leave behind in the age 23.

I want my 20’s to end with education and love. I am done settling for people who don’t acknowledge me in public. I am done with fake friends. I am done doubting myself. I can do this. I can get a PhD. 24 is going to be a huge year for me and I can’t wait to see where it takes me.

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Midterm Madness

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This Thursday marks the first of the two tests that will determine my entire grade in my sociology class so basically this will be just a cakewalk week (insert sarcasm here). I have literally never been as stressed for a test as I am for this one. My teacher did finally give us a study guide causing me to spend hours making flash cards and I’ve been answering every question on the study guide like it’s the actual test. If I do fail it wont be for lack of trying. The thing that scares me about this test is still no matter how much I study or how many terms/sociologists I memorize I still feel like I don’t know anything. I can’t fail this class or I lose my finical aid forever so you know no pressure. This feels like my first real test of my college career so please wish me luck.

My psychology class was super interesting this week. We regularly watch TED talks but this week we watched one that struck me on a profound level.  Ken Robinson, Education I highly recommend watching this link but basically it talks about how the education system kills creativity. He even specifically talks about a dancer. This really struck home for me because previously I was a dance major and the reason I switched was exactly what he talks about: I listened to all the people in my life telling me dance will never be a career. Don’t get me wrong I love being a psychology major and I wont be switching to anything else but it did get me thinking. Why isn’t dance a “real” career? The only thing I did do well on in high school were arts subject such as dance and theater and those never counted for anything. How many kids are falling through the cracks in the school systems because the things they excel at wont help them in a “real” careers according to the education system? Why don’t we value ballerinas as highly as we do doctors? Both take an incredible about of skill and dedication and both are incredibly difficult careers.

For those of you following my social life here are some updates. I spent another night with Lincoln and I like him more than I should. I know that it’s not going to turn into a happily ever after situation and yet I can’t help imaging studying for tests together and attending graduate schools together. I’m such a girl, in 3 weeks I wonder if we will even talk yet I keep piecing together a future with dogs and intellectual conversations. I don’t want to stop seeing him but my degree is more important to me than any relationship so I’m not sure what I want. Like I said in 3 weeks maybe we wont even talk anymore.

On a happier note my birthday is next week. I just have to make it through my midterm on Thursday then I get a birthday dinner Friday a birthday party Saturday then I leave for a mini vacation Monday. I will be missing one day from each of my classes but you don’t turn 24 everyday and I need a break.

Keep your fingers crossed that I pass my midterm and make it through this week!!

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Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

I finally got my first 2 tests back from my psychology teacher and I am happy to report I am a genius. That might be an overstatement but I did receive over 100% on both so I feel pretty darn good about myself. I really feel like I made the right choice picking psychology as my major. I have never been so happy with life. It feels like once I found my passion everything else has been falling into place. I’ve lost weight, I’m happier, and I love myself more. I’ve made some really great friends in class too. Brandi is never someone I would have thought I would be friends with but she is quickly becoming my favorite person. I love her spirit and she actually cares about all my shit. Its been a long time that I’ve had a true friend and I’m so glad she sat next to me in class.

Now I know you are all wondering about Lincoln. He’s not price charming but I’m not really looking for happily ever after so maybe that’s okay. He might be an alcoholic. The 2nd and most recent time I was with him he drank so much he couldn’t even get laid. He literally passed out while groping my boob. Like I said not exactly prince charming but the smile on his face while he was half asleep, hand resting on my chest, was pretty darn cute. With all the weight I’ve lost though it seems more and more cute guys are finally noticing how “smart” I am, so why would I settle for less than price charming?

My Sociology teacher finally gave us the date for our midterm, July 18th. She also informed us that our grade will be fully dependent on our midterm and our final. The midterm will be on chapters 1-7 and there will be essay questions. I feel overwhelmed. I need to do well so I will be fully reading chapters 1-7 as well as making flash cards of terms, theories, and sociologists. I feel like I’m going overboard but if I get to the test and know nothing I will feel like a failure. Like a poser. Like a confirmation that I don’t really belong there, that I’m just a high school drop out playing at a college student. I am hoping that my success is psychology means I really have changed and that I really do belong where it feels like I belong. In spite of myself I am really hoping Lincoln calls too.

Boys and school. Guess I really am a college student.

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