Clever Like Me

GED to PHD?

Patterns of Behavior

At our core is all we are just the patterns of behavior we’ve developed or can a person truly and deeply change? I have been able to successfully change my behavior by fully dedicating myself to school and homework, but not when it comes to social aspects of my life. Why am I falling back into comfortable routines that are probably going to do more damage than good? Can 3 weeks of dedication to school say anything about future success?

I slept with Lincoln and I don’t feel guilty about it. I should clarify the he did apologize for the remark he made out of the blue and we did set some personal boundaries. The night we spent together was fun and amazing and the best thing I’ve done in a while. The part I do feel guilty about is the time I’ve been spending thinking about him. Here I am in my blog about school dedicating a whole paragraph to him. I’m not in love, I’m under the influence of powerful hormones but is this weakness we all have to other people enough to derail ambitious people? What about newly ambitions people like me? Is the excitement I feel for school become replaced with the excitement of seeing him and if so what happens when he’s no longer in all my classes?

Speaking of my classes, finally, they have been going very well. I am still working ahead of my psychology class and I am able to answer every question with ease.  My sociology class is a little different. I don’t really know what I’m supposed to know. The midterm is chapters 1 – 7 and that’s all we’ve been told. No study guide, no hints as to what theories or event will be covered. Therefore, I have been reading the book and attending all the lectures. I would like to do very well on the tests but I’m concerned that since this class is graded based entirely on test scores I will retain the wrong information and fail.

On a happier note my financial aid has officially been approved! After they reviewed my appeal I had to meet with an adviser and the contract was approved today. I made the last $300 payment for summer and my fall tuition is going to be at the very least partially paid for. I planned myself a little birthday get away to celebrate.

Here’s hoping that my hormones return to normal and that someone really can change their patterns of behavior so I can continue to do well in school.

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College 2 Weeks In.

Well my two classes psychology and sociology have been beyond different from each other. My psychology teacher comes to class unkempt and without a bra, has us watch way too many videos, and doesn’t teach things that are on the tests. Where as, my sociology teacher, is probably one of my favorite teaches I’ve ever had. Shes funny and smart and engaging and I’ve never been happier with a class. My only complaint with sociology is that we don’t have a clear syllabus. The main redeeming factor of my psychology class is the people. I love the friends I’ve already met in psychology. It feels like fate to be in the class I am with the people I am with. I guess this brings me to Lincoln.

Lincoln is a boy who is in both my classes who up until about 4 hours ago I was super interested in. Basically we flirted week one, mid way through this week he got my phone # and then today he decided it would be a good idea to text me “your cold hands would feel good on my balls”. This literally came out of the blue we had never talked about anything even close to sexual before and honestly it really made my feminist side so angry. Sitting here I want to be able to say maybe I overreacted but the truth is I don’t want to be with someone who thinks its appropriate to talk to a woman like that with in the first 3 conversations. So one again I’ve been reaffirmed in my desire to be single. Clearly men are pigs or I just have terrible taste in men.

The one good thing that came out of this whole Lincoln situation is that I am developing a theory about the willingness my generation has with saying things over text they would never say in person. It’s not a fully developed theory or hypothesis, clearly, but it has started me thinking like a psychologist. I am now very interested in social interactions done via social media sites and just plain texting. How does this differ from face to face interactions and how does this effect someones personality? Maybe this will be the topic of my next paper.

On a side note thank you for all the support you guys have been giving me!! I know my posting has been a bit sporadic so I wanted to let you know I will be posting every Sunday without fail starting 6/30/13. Thanks for reading everyone!!

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Psychology 1010

Community College never ceases to impress me with the quality teachers they provide us. In this case my teacher, who must be 300 lbs, showed up to class wearing dirty sweats asking if she was in the right spot and my first impression was this poor lady is never going to pass the class. Surprise Surprise she is my teacher for the rest of the semester. So, scolding myself for my rush to judgement based entirely on appearance I decided to give her a shot. Well, she spent the first 30 minuets of the class teaching us how to fill in a bubble properly, as if we got all the way to college without ever taking a single standardized test. Then she told us about her PhD is social work which completely confused me on how she managed to do that and when she couldn’t get a YouTube video to load so she decided to restart her computer. All that aside, however, she is very well read in the most recent psychology studies and she does seem adept at getting you to think like a psychologist.

The material we are covering is truly fascinating and the people I met are inspiring for lack of a better word. It was nice to hear from other people in the class that they too have the desire to get their PhD  and they have real life goals. Such a nice change from everyone in my life raising their eyebrows every time I try to talk about getting a PhD. It really felt like being surrounded by my own peers, finally. I feel like most of the students are capable of having an in-depth discussion and will contribute to the class.

It feels like for the first time I belong, like I’ve found my people in this stupid community college 1010 class. It could be me projecting what I want onto the people around me only time will really tell but being around people who have similar goals has me elated. Here’s hoping tomorrows sociology class is wonderful as well.

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