Clever Like Me


Excuse me

I had a bit of success at the beginning of last week when I finally was able to get the correct papers for my financial aid. The stupid financial aid lady even smiled and was kind to me explaining the payment process. I had 2 whole days of liberating success only to find a message waiting for me on my schools email system. I don’t qualify. “Not making satisfactory progress” is what they actually call it. Literally felt like a grand sign that maybe you can’t overcome your past. Maybe the reason why even the smallest first steps are so complicated is it’s not meant to be. Then I surprised myself. I took a week, partied and took a mini vacation with Tasha and then started the appeal process.

The appeal is very straight forward it wants to know why I deserve a second chance.¬† Its asks for specific documentation for things like a death in the family, a medical reason stating why I was unable to attend, or a damn good essaying explained why you’re a different person. I have recent deaths in my family as well as being diagnosed with adult onset asthma. I could tell them all about the pain losing both my cousin and my aunt suddenly, provide obituaries. I could tell them about how asthma changed my life. How every time I got a cold it would turn into pneumonia but I feel like that’s a lie. I feel like that’s just making excuses. I feel like the reason I didn’t do well is all on me. I was never too sick to come to school or grieving or any other real reason. I could have come and I could have done well but I chose not to. So now the real questions are; Do I use the system to get my out of my own past? Provide doctors notes and obituaries, spin a sad story and get the financial aid. Do I tell the truth and write an essay about who I was then and who I am now? Am I simply being too hard on myself? Maybe it’s not lying or making excuses. Maybe it’s doing what you have to do to reach your goals.

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Never give up, Never Surrender

If it was easy it wouldn’t be worth it. This is what I have been telling myself all week. The worst part is school is still almost a month away from starting but trying to get my financial aid finished is hell. The school needs a specific form from the IRS for my taxes. This wouldn’t be such a nightmare but the place that did my taxes¬† this year put them under the wrong address which long story short has left the IRS to not recognize either my new or old address as correct. This has caused me to be unable to simply print the paper off or call and request the correct paper. The school says I need a tax account transcript, so I have brought them a copy of my full tax return, the paper that says account transcript that comes with the tax return and a paper printed off from my local IRS office also entitled tax account transcript. None of these are the right paper and honestly my financial aid office is no help. The lady literally told me “I’ve never heard of someone going to the IRS office and getting the wrong paper, NEXT!” so with that wonderful and helpful explanation I will attempt a round 3 at the IRS office. When I get so frustrated with this situation I have to keep reminding myself that I am still on step one and if I get frustrated and want to give up on step one I will never make it to my goal.

Family is heavily on my mind as it is Mother’s Day. I’m adopted but I’ve never felt bad about it. I never remember not knowing I was adopted. My mom always told me that my birth-mom loved me so much that even though she couldn’t take care of me she made sure she found the best people in the world that could. My mom also always told me that even though I didn’t come from her belly, I came from her heart. My parents did get divorced when I was about 11 but again I never really felt that bad about it. My dad had been sleeping in the basement for a couple of years before he left so in my mind it wasn’t a shock. My mom got remarried when I was 16 but Richard, who is my dad, came into my life when I was 14. My sister on the other hand had such a different experience both with being adopted and with my parents divorce leaving her with some mental health problems.

My sister and I will always have a bond that can’t be broken. For an entire year before I was adopted she started asking my mom for a baby sister. All she wanted for her birthday was a baby sister, and 2 weeks before her 3rd birthday she got me. While my parents were filling out the paperwork, my sister decided it was time to go find her baby sister. She did and she brought me to my parents forever being the first person to meet me in my family. Part of the reason I am going into psychology is because of my love for my sister. She has depression, anxiety, add, adhd, and pretty much anything else you can think of. I want to help her. I’m not really religious, but I do like to think that there is a grand design. I like to think that the reason I am my sisters sister and the reason I love psychology is in part to help her. Maybe I wont change the world but maybe I can change the world for people like my sister.

Happy mothers day to my mom and my birth-mom whoever you are, Happy Mothers Day to all the moms reading this (and yes pets count) and Happy Mothers Day to all the special women in the world.

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