Clever Like Me

GED to PHD?

Feeling Free

on April 21, 2013

This is the exciting part, the beginning of a new adventure. Really its the feeling that anything can happen, that maybe just maybe this story will end with an actual PhD. The trouble I’m having is now I’m just old enough to know that plans change, that not all dreams come true and I feel this tiny wave of panic. Am I getting my hopes up for just another life lesson? When I look at the long long road I have to go it feels impossible. In order to stave off the panic I’ve decided to only focus on one step at a time and celebrate every step of the way. Every credit I earn every test I take is one step closer and farther than anyone thought I could go.

My school received my FAFSA data so it looks like all I have to do is fill out some forms and they will let me know what I qualify for. I had to officially declare my major as psychology. It was weird declaring an actual hard major instead of theater or dance. I really never thought I would be taking school this seriously. I feel like an adult with a “real” dream. It feels very free, like who knows where this will take me. I don’t have a husband or kids or responsibilities tying me to one location. I have a pug and fortunately she can go where I go. It really feels like for the first time I’m taking to world by storm so to speak and all I have done is get enrolled in community college. I still have so so far to go but in a way that’s exciting as well as terrifying.

I want to change my life, that’s the whole reason I am doing this but sometimes I feel like this is not enough. I want to come out of this as almost completely new me. Not that there is anything wrong with the current me. I think I’m actually pretty awesome so not really a new me but an upgraded me. This for me means its time to change everything. I’m working on my dreams and one of my new dreams is to lose weight. I’ve never considered myself particularly large but lately the weight feels strange on my body. As if it doesn’t belong and its just been waiting for me to notice. I feel fully awake for the first time and am so excited once again for the future. Still not sure how I am going to become this super woman balancing work, school and this healthy life style but the point is I’m excited to try.

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